At times like this…

… I suspect I took the wrong path.

I should have dedicated myself to making money above all else. Because at times like this, money seems to be all that matters. I screwed up.

I need to fix it.

I could stop giving away any of my writing for free, and put it all on Patreon or by subscription only, but I suspect that those who would pay to read what I write, already do. I may try it though, because I’ve got to do something.

Household income dropped to almost nothing for about four months, and due to Unfortunate Truth #3, even that amount was cut substantially.

I have two critical things that I need vast amounts of money for in the immediate future, one dental and one house-related, and GoFundMe just isn’t working (apparently you need to be an injured “hero” like a veteran or cop, or a dying child, for GoFundMe to work- I’m none of those, nor would I want to be). I have past medical bills that have been sent to collection agencies, and I have more expenses (such as car repairs) that I know are coming. The money just isn’t there.

I see how “easy” the money comes for all my family who work in government, and I understand why they refuse to see that working for The State in any capacity is unethical. When you have a choice between being in my financial position and being in theirs, I can see how ethics can be an inconvenient annoyance to be ignored at all cost, and how morals can be plastic and molded to fit the situation. I sometimes wish it were that easy for me. I realize that not everyone who is doing well financially has a government, or otherwise unethical, job. Just the majority of the ones I know personally.

Asking readers to pay for writing doesn’t seem to work. The same people keep being the ones who pony up, and even mentioning money in a blog post- as I often end up doing- makes me feel sick. And from comments I have received, I know I’m not the only one who feels that way.

I know I am not the only one having this trouble. I see so many friends on the edge of financial disaster, and more fall over that edge every day. That only makes me wish I had even more money, because I desperately want to help them- and I know they would do the same for me if only their situation were better. But here we are.

I have obligations that prevent me from taking most “normal” jobs. I need to be able to continue taking care of my daughter, after all. I won’t relegate her to “latchkey kid” status. But “taking care” of her also requires money, not just my physical presence and support. Finding some way to bring in more money, while being able to do what I have to do, seems hopeless. I won’t do “MLM”, and I lose money as a salesman every time I get myself into that sort of thing. I certainly can’t afford that again.

If I try anything in the Black Market (or even the Gray Market), I will not have support of anyone in my house. It could easily result in me not even having a house.

I’m about at the end of my rope, though.

A few years ago I had a friend who made money with everything he touched. He never could understand why some people (such as myself) had trouble making money. He said it was so easy… but he could never explain it. He said the way to make money is “you just make money”. I did notice that he started out every new venture with a lot of money, put it to work, and then made lots more, and I wonder how he would have done starting from nothing, without the connections he had. But, being nice, I never questioned him about that, nor would I have wanted to see him in that position if it would have meant him failing. I am not one of those people who wants to see others fail just because I do.

I apologize for the negative tone of this post. I couldn’t sleep with all this weighing on me and got up to write this. It was probably yet another mistake. But now you know.

.

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14 Responses to “At times like this…”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    If I weren't in a similar position as yourself, I would certainly help you, Kent.

    If I knew anyone in your area, someone who I could recommend you to for assistance or employment opportunity, I most certainly would.

    I like you and what you represent. You have taught me a few things too. I wish I could help you. I really do.

  2. Anonymous Says:

    What parts does your car need? I live almost 1500 miles away, but I might be able to help find you good deals on parts and advice on installing them.

  3. Kent McManigal Says:

    You are assuming I know more about vehicles than I do. It just doesn't “feel right” going down the road. Other times when a car doesn't feel right to me, it has turned out to have problems that either leave me stranded on the side of the road, or (rarely) discovered to need something when it is taken in to be fixed. I honestly don't know if it's a transmission issue or the engine, but I suspect one or the other. But my ignorance with cars is massive. It's an '87 Ford F-150.

  4. Anonymous Says:

    Let's see if we can narrow it down a bit!

    Is it a manual or automatic?

    If it's an automatic, does it have a tachometer (should be on the right hand side and say something like RPM x1000)?

    Does it seem to have less power (acceleration) or run rougher (vibration) than normal?

    Have you checked the oil / coolant levels recently?

  5. Kent McManigal Says:

    Automatic.
    No tachometer.
    It does seem to have a harder time getting up to, and maintaining, speed than it did. It has never liked going 75, but now seems to not really like going 60, either. Now, sometimes the problem is a major headwind, but not always.
    It feels rough to me, but passengers can't feel it. It is horrible for road noise, so I can't tell you if it sounds different than it used to.

    I check the fluids weekly.

  6. Anonymous Says:

    Okay, so it's a power problem (most likely not transmission related, which is good).

    Do you know when the last time plugs / wires were changed?

    Do you know which engine it has? Ford offered both carbureted and fuel injected engines that year, so it could be either.

    How long have you had the truck and how many miles does it have on it?

    Have you run a fuel system cleaner through it?

  7. Kent McManigal Says:

    No, I don't know the last time they were changed. It was in the shop a year and a half ago for selenoid problems and they also changed the battery cables, but didn't do anything to the plugs and wires.
    It is fuel injected.
    I have had it maybe 3 years or so- my dad had it before that.
    It has 107,114 miles on it

  8. Kent McManigal Says:

    I have not run a fuel system cleaner through it that I remember… although I may have. Six months or so back my dad put a bottle of something in the gas tank.

  9. Anonymous Says:

    Sounds like it's probably just due for a tune up. Plugs last anywhere from 60k – 100k, so if it's on the original plugs it's definitely time for new ones. Is it a 6 cylinder or 8 cylinder?

  10. Kent McManigal Says:

    It's an 8 cylinder. And, a tune up sounds like a good idea.

  11. Anonymous Says:

    I'll donate the parts if you think you can install them. Do you have a repair manual for the truck? I'm sending you an email with a picture of some parts, can you pop the distributor cover off and check to see which rotor your truck has? It should just pop off once you remove two clips.

  12. Kent McManigal Says:

    I don't have a repair manual, and don't have a very good record of attempting to do work on vehicles myself. I'll go out and see if I can tell what is what if I can find the distributer.

  13. Anonymous Says:

    It should be towards the front center of the engine and have 9 thick wires running to it. 4 will go to each side of the engine and the one that goes into the sensor will run off to the coil (a box or cylinder approximately fist sized… some are smaller and some are bigger…).

  14. Kent McManigal Says:

    I found the distributor. That sucker is wedged in there tightly. I followed the coil wire until it went under a plastic cover. I have been trying to get it off so I can get a look at the coil, but it looks like I'll have to break it out to do that.

    The vehicle is a F-150 XLT Lariat if that helps any.

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