"Not fair…"

After a few years of being around other kids, I notice my daughter has developed a fascination with “fair”. Usually, as in “that’s not fair“.

This amuses me a little bit, but each time she says that I remind her that “fair” isn’t a real thing. Life happens as it will, “fair” doesn’t figure into it at all.

That doesn’t mean I don’t try to be “fair” when dealing with her.

Is that contradictory? Maybe.

I would love for the Universe to be fair. When the laws of physics or human nature conspire against me I would love to be able to remind the Universe to be fair and have things improve immediately. But, that’s not up to the Universe- it is MY job to be fair when dealing with others. What they do is up to them.

The Universe doesn’t care- that’s my job (and I hope you accept that job, too).

I don’t want my daughter going through life under the impression that life will be fair, and getting hurt when it isn’t. I’d rather she understand it is up to her to choose to be fair when dealing with others, to accept that others may not be so reasonable, and to protect herself from the nature of reality when she can.

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2 Responses to “"Not fair…"”

  1. D. M. Mitchell Says:

    Somebody, a science fiction writer I think, said this several years ago: “Sir, I exist,” said the man to the Universe. “That fact does not instill within me a sense of obligation.” replied the Universe. (Probably misquoted, but that's the gist of it.) Fairness only comes into play between self-conscious, sentient beings, possibly, co-equal beings. If a person deals with you unfairly, then stop dealing with that person or, if a child, stop playing with that child. It wouldn't hurt to let others know that the person or persons in question are not necessarily good people.

  2. Samuel Spade Says:

    You and I and most who comment here have spent our lives protecting children from harm — harmful deeds and harmful thoughts. “Fair” is not something someone does to me. “Fair” is the way I arrange my own life. “Unfairness” is a lesson. Most will treat me fairly if I treat them fairly as well. Some won't, and they're the ones I need to steer clear of.

    If it's going to be, it's up to me. Sam

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